Malcolm and Reese try to sneak off to the Burning Man festival, but when Lois and Hal catch wind of their plans, they decide to borrow an RV and make it a family trip. At the festival, Malcolm falls for, and goes to bed with, an older female shaman, but she later shuns him when he makes fun of her practice of re-birthing. Lois learns the joy of hemp and goes topless. Hal unknowingly becomes performance art and turns Dewey into slave labor. Reese experiences the true freedom and artistic experience of Burning Man, and never wants it to end. More...

Hal forgets to pay the family's health insurance and when the company won't reinstate them until Monday, he panics and locks the boys in their room so they won't get hurt. Of course, it's Hal that ends up getting hurt, but the boys cover for him so that Lois doesn't find out he didn't pay the insurance. Meanwhile, Lois and her coworkers discuss unionizing at the Lucky Aide, but someone rats them out to management and Lois thinks it's Craig. Lois is mortified when it turns out that Craig was just being secretive to plan a surprise party for her 10th anniversary working at the store.

When Hal catches Dewey smoking, he makes a pact with him that he'll stop drinking coffee if Dewey kicks the habit, but after a few unsuccessful attempts to beat their addictions, they both start sneaking around. Meanwhile, Reese picks a fight with Stevie and their confrontation gets heated. Lois tries to get Jammie to talk by prattling on and on and on. More...

Malcolm and Reese go on a Halloween tour of the neighborhood, but they get really spooked when they realize that the first stop is at their house. When Hal finds out that a gruesome homicide took place on his property he can't shake the feeling that it's haunted and his family might be the next target. Meanwhile, Lois is excited to take Jamie trick-or-treating but when she gets called into the Lucky Aide she has to count on Dewey and Reese to baby-sit and they end up losing him.

Rating: 2.4/4

A comely teen taunts Malcolm when she moves in and teaches him maternal-manipulation skills he comes to regret. Meanwhile, Dewey pulls a really fast one on Reese, who thinks he's traveling on a jet to China. Jessica: Hayden Panettiere.

Rating: 2.3/4

When Malcolm gets paired with a dimwitted beauty as his chemistry partner he thinks it's a formula for disaster, but then she reveals her feelings for him and sparks fly. They agree to keep their romantic experiment under wraps until Malcolm realizes that she's just embarrassed to be dating him. Meanwhile, Lois demands that Reese get a job and kicks him out of the house to prove it.

Rating: 2.2/4

Francis decides to surprise the family by coming home, but he catches Jamie off-guard and ends up knocking the lights out in the house. Meanwhile, it's Lois who's in the dark when Hal decides to cancel their anniversary dinner and forces Reese to cook them a romantic feast at home, and Malcolm who ends up in hot water when he sneaks three Swedish girls into the house.

Rating: 2.2/4

A female Army sergeant (Larisa Oleynik) who is one of Reese's old pals playfully rebonds with him. According to Reese: "She wants me bad. This is a disaster."

Rating: 2.2/4

Lois finds a new babysitter for Jamie who is wonderful until she opens her mouth and starts to drive Lois crazy. Meanwhile, Malcolm and Reese are in the same class, but Reese is the one being picked on by the teacher — until Malcolm stands up for him. More...

When Hal and Lois receive a check for $10,000 made out to Malcolm, their first instinct is to keep it and buy new pipes for the house or a new boat, until Dewey overhears their plan and wants a piece of the pie. In a weak moment Lois spends the entire chunk of change on a dollhouse, but they feel so guilty they end up paying Malcolm back. Meanwhile, Reese spends all of his free time in a nursing home. More...

When Lois and Hal take Dewey out of town for a piano competition, they enlist Grandma Ida to watch over the boys. Ida thinks that Reese needs to become a man, so she forces the two brothers into a competition and if Reese wins he takes Raduca as his bride. Meanwhile, when Lois and Hal return home they're shocked to find out Reese has run off to Vegas to elope.

Rating: 2.4/4

Dewey visits a broke and disheveled Francis and just as he talks him into getting a real job, his rocker friend shows up and gives him a cool gig as tour manager of the band. Meanwhile, Malcolm refuses to meet with college recruiters, so Hal takes over and treats each one as a suitor – until Malcolm chooses Harvard, which ruins everything for Hal.

Rating: 2.7/5

A mono-stricken Lois absentmindedly passes it on to Malcolm, forcing them to be quarantined; Hal becomes Mr. Popularity with the neighbors while his wife is incapacitated.

Hal gets a devastating phone call that his father has passed away, but because he never knew his father he doesn't shed a tear. In an attempt to overcompensate with his kids, Hal takes the boys shopping, lets them miss school and offers to buy Malcolm a new car until Lois steps in. And Hal's buddy Abe thinks that a visit from George Takei will cheer him up. George Takei guests as himself.

Rating: 2.5/4

Lois and Hal visit Francis to help him celebrate one year of sobriety, but when they attend his A.A. meeting they find out that Lois was the one who drove him to drink. Dewey finds the spare key to Hal's car, but when Malcolm and Reese refuse to drive him to the arcade, it takes them more than 12 steps to find it.

When four popular high school girls play an evil prank on Reese by pretending he has a secret admirer and then dropping a pig off at his front door, Lois comes to his rescue. She plots her revenge on the four unsuspecting girls and wreaks havoc on their adolescent lives. Meanwhile, Hal realizes Lois is at a dangerous emotional place so he decides to get some distance and stumbles upon the idea for making his own pitching machine out of stuff in the garage.

Rating: 2.9/5

When Hal looses his tooth during a poker game, his buddy Trey tells him to come to his dental office, but Hal really feels the pain when he's hit with a $2,000 bill that causes a rift between the two friends. Meanwhile, Reese teaches Lois how to ride a bike and Malcolm and Dewey find their new favorite pastime of sleeping.

Rating: 2.4/4

Malcolm joins a local dance class to impress a girl, but when she loses her footing, he realizes that to win the competition he'll need a partner who can step it up. Dick, a rival student in the class who takes dancing a bit too seriously, challenges Malcolm to a dance-off. Meanwhile, Hal discovers an underground bachelor pad in the backyard.

Rating: 2.6/5

This episode was nominated for an Emmy award for Outstanding Choreography (Fred Tallaksen, Choreographer).

Stevie goes into the hospital and Malcolm makes up every excuse in the book because he can't face the truth about his illness. Meanwhile, Hal gets competitive with his remote control boat and Lois thinks she's losing her mind.

Rating: 2.3/4

Reese heads back to work at the meat plant and meets Carrie, a cute vegetarian (Tara Lipinski). He pretends to go along with her politics, and he almost pulls it off until he's caught red-handed with a pork chop. To get Carrie back, Reese goes to the plant and sets all of the cows free. Meanwhile, Malcolm tries to pull the wool over Lois's eyes and sneak off to a rock concert.

Malcolm and the other high school misfits decide to have an anti-prom, a Morp, in the school basement. Janine, a girl who has spent all of high school studying and now wants to have some fun, pays Reese to be her perfect prom date. Dewey is horrified to realize that his parents have absolutely no pictures of him from his childhood, so he leads them on a crazy scavenger hunt to try to save their youngest son from the same fate.

Malcolm is elected valedictorian of his graduating class and struggles with his speech, but Lois refuses to hear his complaints and reveals her plans for him to become President of the United States. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Reese will do anything to get a permanent job as the high school janitor, even concocting the most disgusting mess of all time, which explodes all over the family. Meanwhile, Hal struggles with Malcolm's Harvard tuition and Francis lands a "real" job working 9 to 5 in a cubicle and enjoys every minute of it. Grandma Ida (Cloris Leachman) returns for the family festivities, and they all bid farewell to Malcolm when he leaves for college.