Quotes from Day Care

Compiled by Petch

Malcolm: "This baby is gonna kill us."

Hal: "Boys, it's a Level Three!"

Lois: "Give me your pajama top!"
Dewey: "Not again! This is my last pair!"

Pastor Roy: "Have you gone through the Precepts of the Covenant?"
Hal: "Yes, of course. Love the Precepts. Number three has gotten me through some hard times."

Lois: "This is insane. There is no juice left in there. You are watering down water!"

Francis: "Our people are losing their jobs because a bunch of idiot tourists think little green men crashed a spaceship down there? That's ridiculous."
Otto: "Ja, zey vill see nothing down zere. (lowers voice) Ze government took every scrap of evidence to a secret vault fifty years ago."

Lois: (as daily chaos ensues at Lucky Aide) "Has it always been this quiet here?"

Hal: (concluding an ad-libbed Bible story) "And verily, it came to pass that the big lump in the middle of the boa constrictor turned out to be the missing ranger."

Malcolm: "Mom, I don't want to go to that class!"
Lois: "You see this paycheck? I earned this because we have day care. Those who earn paychecks get to have opinions. Those who don't, go to Bible class."

Reese: "Is there some kind of loyalty oath I can sign so I can get out of here?"

Otto: "For you own safety, do not wave at zem! Zey think our hands are sex organs! You may start something you von't vant to finish!"

Dewey: "Can't you just hit me like you used to?"

Helen: "Well now. See, that is a torment."

Hal: "I am so overwhelmed by this, and I'm not just blowing smoke this time!"

Francis: "What kind of alien are you. You don't even glow in the dark. Get out of here!"
Alien Guy: "You get out of here!"

Lois: "Where did you find him?"
Craig: "Under a car, sharing his candy bar with a squirrel."
Seth: "He didn't like it. He's sick."

Customer: "Why don't you just leave him in your car like the other bad mothers do?"

Reese: "This is incredible! I can see the top of Dad's car from here!"

Francis: "All that stuff about UFO stuff about abductions and cavity probes, that's all made up, right?"
Agent: "Yes. There are no aliens. But there are cavity probes."

Hal: "We really don't belong around civilized people."

Lois: "It's baby Moses and the bullrushes. And I started to think about that story, where the mother has to take her little one and send him down the river forever to be raised by someone else. And I wanted to be that mom. (near tears) Hal, I don't like this baby."

Hal: (after Reese crashes through church window) "See, that's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about."

Dewey: "I'll miss you at first."

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