Quotes from Tutoring Reese

Lois: Are you smoking, Hal?
Hal: Do you smell smoke?
Lois: No, but...
Hal: Now Lois, if I wanted to smoke a cigar I wouldn't be sneaking around like a scared little school boy. I'd do it out in the open, like a man.
[smoke comes out of shop-vac, it then sputters and dies]
Lois: That was out third shop-vac, that is our last shop-vac.

Mr. Woodward: Reese is still searching for academic truth. His focus is diffuse, his attention is waning, it is preventing his full potentiation. To put it simply Reese isn't self-actualized.
Hal: Wha?

Mr. Woodward: Reese is flunking almost every subject, and I'm going to recommend that he be moved into the remedial class.
Hal: And that's a euphemism for... ?
Mr. Woodward: The remedial class.

Mr. Woodward: I'm glad to see your level of commitment. I'm really happy we had this chance to talk.
Hal: So we can go now?

Malcolm: Lets just start with geography then.
Reese: I don't take geography!
Malcolm: Yes you do, you got a grade in it.
Reese: Oh, that can't be good.

Richie: Welcome to chez Richie. Rule number one, there are no rules. Rule number two, no shoes on the sofa.

Malcolm: We've gone over this a thousand times! You have to carry the tenths! Tenths have to go someplace! Tenths don't just float around! Get smarter, already! Think! Make your brain work!

Malcolm: Reese, this is C minus work.
Reese: All right!
Malcolm: Nice job!
Reese: You're not just saying that?
Malcolm: No, this is seriously the best work I've ever seen you do.

Reese to his paper: I kicked your ass!

Francis: You know what, it's freezing, but I don't need heat 'cause I got justice on my side. Mom will cave. She'll cave, it's gonna be so sweet.

Francis: Can we cool it on the porno for like five minutes?
Richie: Yeah, when this is over I'll just pop in "The Sluts of the Big Ten."
Francis: No! No more porn!
Richie: Dude, that's a documentary!

Reese: You mean cheat? We can't cheat, mom will kill us. And it's wrong. And more importantly, mom will kill us.

Francis: Okay, well, there's the rat.

Malcolm: That guy is totally out to get you!
Reese: Man! I was just using that as an excuse.

Richie: Your father's right, man. Sometimes you can be so stupid. [He throws fire starter into the burning trashcan] Uh oh.

Lois: "What I wrote?"
Malcolm: The royal "I," as in Reese, because I think we can all identify with what he's going through.

Lois: You gave something he wrote an F?! [thunder & lighting] You are out to get him! Oh, I can't wait to see you expelled or disbarred or whatever it is they do to creepy little men who abuse their power.
Mr. Woodward: There is no need for name-calling.

Woodward: I just don't think you'd throw away the son who achieves, for, well, Reese.
Lois: You don't think I'd sacrifice this one? Let me explain something to you. I would sell Malcolm down the river in a heartbeat to save Reese.
Malcolm: What?

Mr. Woodward: I don't believe you. No mother could ever be that callous to her own son.
Francis: Mom, please, let me come home. I'm cold and I'm hungry! Please, I'll fix the roof, I'll paint the house, I'll do anything! Mom, please, just let me live indoors, Mom! Please, I wanna be warm again. Mom, ple-e-e-e-ease!
Woodward: Maybe we can work something out.

Lois: Why are they always named Tony?

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