Quotes from Malcolm Defends Reese

Compiled by Petch

Malcolm: "It's embarassing enough having Reese in my class this year. What's worse is Herkabe has made him his personal whipping boy."

Herkabe: "Reese, I'm just looking through my notes here. It appears that was your twentieth wrong answer in a row. And you know what that means, don't you?"
Reese: "Monkey Dance?"
Herkabe: "Your first right answer! Well, let's not leave your audience waiting."

Hal: "You played it cool, son....maybe too cool."

Claire: "Feel this shoulder, Lois. It's like a sack of burning jelly in there. Go ahead, give it a squeeze."
Lois: "It is spongier than the thing on your back."

Herkabe: "I'm sorry, that's all the time we have today, but join us again tomorrow for another exciting installment of What Is Dumber Than Reese!"

Hal: "You just want to run away, hide under the covers and cry. But you know what? That's how you know you're a man."

Malcolm: "I'll take your sick little deal so you can keep your pathetic, meaningless plaque."
Herkabe: "Thank you, Malcolm. I know that you think this compromise will taste like ashes in my mouth. But something I learned a long time ago....ashes don't taste that bad."

Hal: "Some wavy-haired blond boy was chatting up Gina at the bike racks after school."
Dewey: "Don't you work?"
Hal: "Never mind that. The point is, you should have been there!"
Dewey: "It's probably Stefan. He's no threat."
Hal: "I saw him, Dewey. He's an Adonis!"

Reese: "B-minus? Ha, I did better than you! For the first time....wait. A, B, C, D--never mind."

Lois: "Get your fat butt out of my house!"
Claire: (laughs) "Lois, you're so funny. Although I could lose a little weight here."

Hal: "Just off the top of my head, you could send her a nice box of expensive chocolates."
Dewey: "I'm not sure."
Hal: "Too late, you already did. You just dropped off a big box on her front doorstep, rang the bell and ran like hell. You also trampled some of her rose bushes. Congratulations, son. You're in the game."

Mr. Hodges: "It is a dark day for North High."

Herkabe: "I'm not defeated yet. I am like Napoleon at St. Helena, plotting my return."
Malcolm: "You mean Alba. He died on St. Helena.
Herkabe: "Oh, shut up!"

Hal: (driving alongside Gina) "You'll like this candy. It's really good. Come on, just hop in the car!"

Gina: "Your dad's really weird."
Dewey: "You have no idea."

Donna: "Come on now, Lois. I think we both know that Claire required a certain amount of patience, am I right? Anyway, you wouldn't believe the flight I took coming here. First, they grounded the plane, which you know, you'd think better they do that than trying to fly it with something wrong...." (launching into a Claire-like expositional litany)

Reese: "I might stop hitting you if you dance like a monkey."