Quotes from Reese vs. Stevie

Compiled by Petch

Hal: "Do you want to end up breathing through a hole in your neck? Do you think that's cool?"
Dewey: (inspired) "You can breathe through a hole in your neck?"

Lois: "Hal, has Jamie said anything in front of you yet?"
Hal: "Whatever he's said, he's a liar, Lois! He hasn't seen anything!"

Abe: "Come on, Stevie, this is the most exciting thing that's happened to us since they put your stomach on the inside!"

Malcolm: "Real classy, Reese. Go ahead, hit him."
Reese: "It's not fair. He's hit me plenty of times."

Stevie: "I blame....society."

Lois: "Malcolm, get your dirty socks off this table or I'll feed 'em to you for dinner."
Malcolm: (quietly) "Like I can taste the difference."

Reese: "I'm gonna beat you so bad, your wheelchair's gonna need a wheelchair."

Dewey: "How could you spend all that money and not even smoke them? I could have gone to private school."

Hal: (regarding old, hidden cigarettes) "Oh, those are really stale. You're not getting the fresh, rich flavor of....er, never mind."

Malcolm: "There is something good about your personality. You completely humor your dad with all his idiotic plans for you to walk, no matter how pointless and stupid it is to try. You're never like, Dad, wake up. I'm never getting out of this wheelchair. I'm going to be a cripple until the day I die. I mean, you know it, but you don't throw it in his face. That's a really nice quality. Now, better?"

Lois: "You okay?"
Hal: "What, that? It's nothing, Lois. That's just puberty, you know, when a boy's lungs drop. This is how it hits all the men in my family, hacking cough, dark circles under the eyes, yellowing fingers...."

Dewey: "This is so degrading. On the way home from school I almost pulled a cigarette butt out of the gutter."
Hal: "I French-kissed your mother this morning just to lick the coffee off her teeth."

Reese: "When Stevie gets here, I'm gonna flop over to him like a fish, yank him out of his chair, and smash his face in, gimp to gimp."
Malcolm: "Reese, you're insane."
Reese: "Am I? They thought Einstein was crazy. Until he started kicking ass."

Dewey: (drinking coffee to torment Hal) "The smooth, wonderful taste of betrayal."
Hal: (taking a cigarette drag to torment Dewey) "Yeah, well, I'm in full flavor country, baby!"

Malcolm: "Wait. Are you jealous?"
Reese: "No, I'm pissed."

Stevie: (in robotic suit, to Reese) "You're....mine."

Reese: "Your ass might not know I'm kicking it, but I will."

Jamie: (first onscreen words) "Shut up."