Quotes from Pearl Harbor

Compiled by Petch

Hal: "I stream lights, he streams better lights. I put out Frosty, he puts out an elf village. I put out Dracula, he does nothing and I look like a jackass!"

Jessica: "Seriously, what do you have to do to get Pop for drunk and disorderly around here? He was out on the curb in his underpants rolling burning trash cans into the street."
Malcolm: "The sad thing is, we're still the worst family on this block."

Reese: "We live in just as big a stinkhole as she does. Where do we get to escape to?"

Hal: "I put in all this time and effort, then you just have Malcolm correct everything after I go to bed."

Dewey: "Do you think we should cut up some of these guys so there's more body parts floating in the water?"
Hal: "Nah, that's a little gruesome. Just melt them with the lighter."

Lois: "It's called Mamma Mia. They take all those old Abba songs like 'Dancing Queen' and 'Fernando' and stick some story in between."

Reese: "Thanks a lot for sticking us with that stupid show."
Jessica: "I didn't do it for me, I did it for your brother."
Reese: "Malcolm's gay? I knew it!"

Dewey: "Who knew you could use the same three chords over and over and people'd sit through it for two hours?"

Hal: "I especially liked the part where the father was stabbed in the back by his son."
Lois: "That wasn't in the show, Hal."
Hal: "Well, I saw it somewhere."

Malcolm: "How could you not love a show like that?"
Reese: "Yeah, nothing creepy about it at all."

Dewey: "I don't know any other way to say this, Mom, but you're kind of a....bad ass."

Malcolm: "We've been through everything together. And we shouldn't be pussyfooting around about it."

Reese: "Naughty Pool Boys 3. I watched ten or twelve of these, and this one seems to have the most stuff you guys like."
Malcolm: "What? I'm not gay, you're gay."
Reese: "No, I'm not. You are."
Malcolm: "I'm not gay."
Reese: "Malcolm, check out what they're doing in that movie, and then tell me you're not gay."

Hal: "When your mom comes out, she's going to want to know what I said to you about this. Make up something good."

Lois: "Wow, that's a pretty convincing lie for just winging it. I mean, you went a little overboard with the crying, but the basic story is good. 'Drug girl' was a nice touch. Creepy. A little sad."
Jessica: "But....how did you--"
Lois: "Sweetie, I'm a mother. It's my business to know. You've got talent, but I turned pro twenty years ago. Which isn't to say you haven't been useful. I never would have been able to enjoy that play in peace if the boys weren't occupied. And the gay thing was very entertaining. But more important, those two idiots actually treated each other decently for a few days. Thank you for that. So, here's the deal. As of today, you are banned from this house. You violated my trust, I don't want you around my boys. Knowing that, they will automatically forgive you and sneak you back in. You will be here every day after school until six, until Thursdays, when I work until 9:30. You will have complete run of the house, but I want Reese to do his half-hour of assigned reading and Malcolm to complete all his college applications--not just the Ivy League. And no junk food. Understood?"
Jessica: "For how long?"
Lois: "We'll see. Icecapades are coming in a few months. It sure would be nice to go as a family."

Dewey: "Do you think we have enough?"
Hal: "Let's hope so. I cleaned out every bait shop in town."

Reese: "I liked you better when we were gay."