Quotes from Reese Comes Home

Compiled by Petch

Hal: "Honey, you know you're going to lose a nail inside your palm again."

Lois: "I don't trust the Army, which means this family has to find him, and I don't trust this family, which means I have to find him!"

Hal: "Now Lois, we can't blame Malcolm for stealing Reese's girl and causing this whole mess in the first place."

Malcolm: "'Lighter Fluid Donut.' That's worse than stealing a girlfriend, right?"
Dewey: "I don't know. Were you in love for the first time with that donut?"

Dewey: "Wow. For a brother-killer, you sure are conceited."

Malcolm: "I have my reasons. So go ahead, knock yourself out."
Nurse Peterson: "Well, it kind of takes some of the fun out of it, buy okay. You can start the afternoon enemas with Mr. Klegman."
Malcolm: "It'll be my pleasure."

Sgt. Hendrix: "You are an artist."
Lois: "No, I'm just a talented amateur."

Hal: "I am giving you permission not to be omnipotent."

Flight Attendant: "Sarsi or Diet Sarsi?"

Reese: "You don't know what I've been through. I've been shot at, chased, married. And when the guy found out I was a dude, it wasn't like a total deal-breaker."

Mr. Waffles: "Do you ever want to taste my buttery goodness again?"
Reese: "You know I do."

Dewey: "I've been trying to compose a requiem for him. It's hard getting in the right mood using a glitter marker."

Reese: "Let me go, please! Come on, how was I supposed to know it was your god? It looked like a monkey man. You're going to regret this. If my husband finds out, he'll make you pay!"

Lois: "You've been tomb-robbing! Well, the fun stops now, young man!"

Dewey: "This diaper's gotta be a five-pounder."
Malcolm: "I'd like to think Jamie knew what it was for."

Dewey: "Remember when he shaved my eyebrows and then glued them back on so I looked permanently surprised? That was genius."