Quotes from Christmas Trees

Compiled by Petch

Hal: "Thanks to the company's trouble with the government, they sent everybody home 'til the new year. We think it's just so the board members can shred documents in peace."

Reese: (reading from notes) "December 2nd. Refused to eat booger sandwich." (punches Dewey)

Hal: "And now you boys want to go into business with me. It'll be like a Korean grocery store."

Piama: "It's gonna be weird not being with our families on Christmas."
Francis: "I know. It feels....great! It's like all the ugliness and turmoil you always associate with Christmas is gone."

Otto: "Don't you raise your voice to Gretchen! Anyone who is not an alcoholic, you accuse of being a perfectionist!"

Hal: (tearfully) "'Hal And Sons.' That means you, too, Jamie. I know it's just a crappy wooden sign, but....boys, I want you to know that this is the greatest day of my life. I'm so happy and proud of each and every one of you, and I just want to make sure that you don't screw this up. We will have so many precious memories together as long as you don't give in to your worst instincts and do something really stupid. I just love you so much, and I want to keep loving you."

Malcolm: "With what we've spent on trees and truck rental, we'll be in profit once we sell tree 67."
Reese: "Then let's just sell that tree first."

Hal: "Do you believe that church trying to undersell us? You don't see us offering Mass at half-price."

Man: "It's customary to tie the tree to the roof."
Reese: "It's customary to tip the guy who tied it."

Lois: "You are not going to suffer ever again for having known me. Understand?"
Craig: "You're on my foot."

Francis: "They're like a primitive version of my family. Take one step to your left."

Father Murphy: "We'll give you twenty minutes to clear out. Then we take matters into our own hands."

Hal: "Look, whatever St. Marks is giving you, we'll double it."
Luther: "You can double eternal salvation?"
Hal: "....Yes, I can."
Luther: "You're funny."

Lois: "People, there is a squirrel somewhere in this store. He is very agile, elusive and possibly rabid, but we will catch him. We have to."

Craig: "You people are so great. I'm sorry I ate all your lunches in the fridge!"

Lois: "Checkmate, chipmunk!"

Phil: "I don't care. I hate you and I always have."

Reese: "I was never at that dog show! And where would a high school kid get a speargun anyway?"
Cop: "This is your son?"
Hal: (stammering) "Er, well, it depends upon what you mean by 'son.'"

Dewey: "I want you to buy me out."
Hal: "No, Dewey, this is just a temporary setback."
Dewey: "If you believe that, then buy me out."

Craig: "Do they really have to kill him to find out if he has rabies?"
Lois: "Do you want the shots?"
Craig: (to squirrel) "Wait for me in Heaven."

Gretchen: "It's even Christmas in ze bathroom!"

Malcolm: "As Christmases go, this one was pretty good. Nothing on fire, no arrests, and hell, we even made a profit."

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