Quotes from Malcolm Dates a Family

Compiled by TK

Malcolm: Isn't it amazing? Every fourteen days we magically turn into a happy family.

Malcolm: Luigi's pizza is so good, it not only brings out the good will that's buried deep inside of people, it momentarily creates good will that isn't even there.

Reese: Oh, no. Is this gonna be shoe-store bad or circus bad?
Malcolm: I think it's gonna be ten-items-or-less-aisle bad.

Angela: Why don't you just give up now and let me get on with dying alone.
Malcolm: You're worried about your family? That's not gonna bother me.
Angela: Oh yeah? My family is unbelievably intrusive, overbearing, controlling and humiliating.
Malcolm: You are talkin' to the right guy.

Hal: There is no pizza god.

Ivan: Really? A genius? Say something smart.

Hal: Now remember, boys, whatever happens we are all in this together. Where's Malcolm?
Reese: He's at his other family.
Hal: More for us.

Reese: I can't believe how much we ate.
Dewey: I can't believe how good it tasted.
Hal: That was the taste of evil, son... gooey, delicious, evil...

Lois: There's cheese inside the meatballs.

Hal: Whatever else it's done to me, this whole conspiracy has made me feel so close to my boys.
Dewey: Except for Malcolm and Jamie.
Hal: They're not like us.

Malcolm: I'll see you around?
Ivan: We both know that's not how it works.

Francis: This butter's just sitting there like a cube on my toast. It's not... doing that thing that Jordan does.
Piama: Spreading?
Francis: Yeah!