Quotes from Humilithon

Compiled by Petch

Malcolm: "By the way, this is an excited twitch, not a nervous twitch."

Hal: "But I don't understand. Why do we have to volunteer for the whole first week?"
Lois: "Because we got caught, Hal. We ducked out for twelve years. They were bound to get us eventually."

Hal: (to Dewey) "Congratulations. You're now a latchkey kid."

Malcolm: (about Herkabe) "He's not a friend, he's a psychopath. He's been out to get me since the day we met. He actually told me that."

Reese: "That's the good thing about cheerleaders. They stampede easy."

Herkabe: "Ah, the golden boy has returned. Release the doves."
Malcolm: "Hi, Mr. Herkabe."
Herkabe: "And you must be Reese. I have been thoroughly briefed on you, and if you do one thing wrong, I'm going to go medieval on your permanent record."
Reese: "Ask yourself, whatever happened to the old Dean of Discipline?"

Francis: "Otto, I think it's wonderful that you're so acoomodating, but sometimes you just have to say no. I mean, you're running a business."
Otto: (looking at scheduling calendar) "Vait a second....is zat ze same dog from July?"

Lloyd: "Have you looked at these Rorschach tests they're calling maps?"

Dabney: "I told you we should have taken a dry run last week, but nooooo. 'Dabney's an alarmist!' Well, now look where we are!"

Lois: "Fill out both health forms and your emergency contact card. And feel free to button your top. Boys like a little mystery."

Malcolm: "Okay, so yesterday wasn't too bad. I didn't make any new friends, but I did manage to avoid all my old ones. I'll make it up to them once I'm popular--who am I kidding? No, I won't."

Stevie: "Justice....is swift."

Dewey: (to imaginary family at dinner table) "....I also think we should have meatloaf on Mondays and not on Tuesdays, so we can have an extra day of meatloaf sandwiches. I also think the table should be in front of the TV and the couch should be in front of the refrigerator. I also think there should be hand-me-ups instead of hand-me-downs. I think kids should be able to steer, and I think school should be only four hours a day and should be held on top of the building. I also think...."

Herkabe: "Well, your apology is noted and not accepted."

Reese: "It's just so exciting to be part of something from the very beginning. Stain. It's classic. It's one of those rare nicknames that'll stick with a person forever, because they are so perfect in their cruelty."

Lois: "Hal, it's crazy to be upset by this. You didn't want to do it anyway."
Hal: "He didn't know that! That means he thinks he won. Which means I think I lost!"

Dewey: (over the phone) "I want it delivered at 3:00. I don't mean on the truck at 3:00. I mean here at 3:00, not 3:05, not 3:10. 3:00....good, my son will sign for it."

Woman: "I hope you're good with lower back pain."
Francis: (clueless) "Uh, yeah, absolutely. I specialize in vertebrae....sciatic....impactions of the back."
Woman: "Oh, that sounds perfect!"

Lloyd: "We don't mean to inflict ourselves on you, but there's no other places."

Kevin: "We told them your ideas on the Luzhin defense. It raised a few eyebrows, but you're as good as in."

Cynthia: "Malcolm, you hate everyone. To you, everyone's either a moron, or a creep or a poser. Why do you suddenly care about their opinion of you?"
Malcolm: "Because I'm shallow, okay?"

Herkabe: "I'd just like to say in my defense....he started it."

Francis: "Tomorrow I may be leading aerobics again. Or faking my way through a wine tasting seminar. Or playing the prostitute in the Old West stunt show."
Otto: "Zat vas you!"

Malcolm: "It's okay, I spent three years being a Krelboyne. I can spend four years being a joke."

Stevie: "Somebody....with feet....stop him!"

Cynthia: (in earshot of large crowd) "Malcolm, if you do this, I will never have sex with you again!"

Malcolm: "Reese, I'm not going to tell you about it. It didn't even happen."
Reese: "Okay. Where didn't it happen?"

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