Quotes from Garage Sale

Compiled by Petch

Hal: "Now remember, boys, if you see the bobcat, don't be a hero. Stand on a chair and use your whistle."

Malcolm: "Just remember, as far as we know, Dewey has always been missing the tip of his finger."

Lois: "I think that if we gave Reese a little more responsibility, he would rise to the challenge. Now, I'm not talking about giving him a key to the house or anything."

Lois: "It's a bunch of old magazines, a broken yo-yo and a Rubik's Cube painted all one color."
Francis: (over the phone) "Well, you try and solve that thing!"

Gretchen: "It's a letter from our son Rutger! Ve must hide ziss immediately."

Otto: (burning Rutger's letter) "Ziss did not happen. Nothing happened. Except for me telling you zat nothing happened. Zat happened, but only zat. Things vill begin to happen again, starting....now! Oh, look, ze mail came."

Malcolm: "Reese, if you put the heavy boxes down first and then stack the light ones on top--"
Reese: (interrupting, also crushing a light box with a heavy one) "It just kills you that I'm in charge, doesn't it?"

Hal: ('Kid Charlemagne' flashback) "So half the campus is goose-stepping down to the bonfire to be brainwashed by the Stepford Cheerleaders! The Pied Pipers of Pep!"

Dewey: "This is stupid. Why are we sorting everything by color?"
Reese: "Because I say so. And because alphabetical order was slowing us down."
Dewey: "Us?"

Craig: "These revenge plans have a way of backfiring. Word to the wise, if you ever make someone an Ex-Lax milkshake, don't do it on an empty stomach."

Police Officer: "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"
Hal: (stammering) "Certainly not for operating an illegal pirate radio station. I mean, even if I did have the equipment in college, I wouldn't have kept it and be using it today. What's with all these questions, anyway? Do you have a warrant?"

Hal: (broadcasting as 'Kid Charlemagne') "That stop sign is a declaration of war! It's for the fat cats on the top of the hill playing golf, while us regular Joe's are late for our second job, or church, or dinner with our families. Well, I'm sorry I missed little Bobby's first steps, honey, but I had to come to a complete stop just because those robber barons can't look both ways!!!"

Gretchen: (referencing sock puppet) "Schlupi could say all of ze sings zat Otto couldn't. Like 'Go to bed!' und 'Behave yourself!' und 'Take your finger out of zere, it's disgusting!'"

Dewey: "That's my piggy bank! That was in my room!"
Reese: "Relax, dipwad. I got two bucks for it."
Dewey: "It had sixteen dollars in it!"
Reese: "Waa-waa. Spilt milk."

Hal: (broadcasting) "I'm not going down without a fight! I'm the voice of the little man. The man on the girder, the man on the streets....the man that fights The Man!!!"
Craig: "Oh, my God. You're Kid Charlemagne!"

Lois: "Reese, this is helping you become a better person by building your self esteem, which you are obviously going to need if you are stupid enough to throw away $1300 that this family desperately needs!"

Francis: "If there's one thing I'm an expert at, it's pointless family conflicts. And if Rutger is anything like me, you're going to have to make the first move."

Lois: "Hal, just say it again, please. I really need to hear it."
Hal: "Okay. Reese....is hopeless."
Lois: "Thank you."

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