Quotes from Hal's Friend

Compiled by Petch and TK

Hal: "This is a movie I asked you to return three weeks ago!"
Reese: "What if we want to watch it again?"
Hal: "I found it in the dishwasher!"

Dewey: "Can I use a glass?"
Hal: "No. Nothing that requires washing."

Dorene: "When you're in danger, you tuck and cower!"
Dabney: "I was cowering! He wouldn't let me tuck."

Otto: "Tucson, the city that never sleeps!"

Francis: "You're planning on sleeping in my bed with me?"
Otto: "It vould be presumptuous for me to ask a guest."

Dorene: "When will your thoughtless grandfather learn? These gifts do nothing but overstimulate you, and when the so-called fun ends, you're left all red and giggly and up until 9:00. Well, not this time! Give it to Mommy."

Francis: "This is kind of a landmark night for me. My first psychological trauma not caused by my mother."

Larry: "The only reason you're a failure is because society hates free spirits like you and me. It's the price we pay for being in the vanguard."

Francis: (plotting with Dewey to fool Reese) "Just go easy on him. You're a lot smarter than he is."

Malcolm: "I don't know what he did last night, but there's no hot water, and the toilet's full of sawdust."

Dewey: (over the phone) "Yeah, Mom. My bed's going in the sunny spot, and Reese's bed is going in the closet like you wanted."

Alison: "God, she's polite and rude at the same time!"

Dorene: "If that's the Thompsons, tell them to move their car, then they'll get their cat back."

Dabney: "Look, Malcolm, I know you think I'm a mamma's boy."
Malcolm: "No, mamma's boys are laughing at you...with their mothers."

Hal: "Okay, think...think. How can I blame this on the boys?"

Otto: "I never dream. I go to sleep. Eight hours later, I wake up with a slight sore throat just like everybody else."

Dabney: (to paintball bully) "Aren't I dead by now?"
Weaver: "In the game you are."

Stevie: "I call...Dabney's team."

Mr. Dawkins: "I wish I had more to offer you, but the Meals On Wheels van only comes around twice a week now."

Hal: "Well, that was illuminating. We now know the face of all evil is a feeble old man in a trailer park who whittles bird feeders. I hope we've both learned something here."
Larry: (sourly) "Oh, yeah." (backs truck into Dawkins' trailer porch)
Hal: "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Larry: "'Eye Of The Tiger,' Hal."
Dawkins: (off-camera) "Larry...Hal? Are you boys all right?"

Weaver: "And the last thing I remember is him shoving paintballs up my nose."

Dorene: "This is your fault, you evil little Svengali! I knew I shouldn't let Dabney have any friends!"

Dabney: "I'm not your little boy anymore, Mom. I'm your little man."

Hal: "I've actually made my crappy house...even crappier."