Quotes from Kicked Out

Compiled by Petch

Malcolm: "Craig's been over here every day helping out with the chores since Mom went to her sister's. It was two weeks before we figured out nobody asked him."

Hal: (flustered) "Now when I say zero tolerance, I mean zero tolerance! Tolerance to the zero degree! I'm talking zip, nada, zilch in terms of tolerance!"

Gretchen: "Otto, let's get our sheet music. Ve can do our duet of Don't Go Breaking My Heart."
Otto: "Ja, it is not so much a song as it is a lovers' conversation."

Malcolm: "It's so weird at my house. Nobody ever answers the phone. My brothers are seeing who can go the longest without changing their underwear. I never thought I'd miss my Mom. I still don't, but I'm getting close."

Nicki: "Malcolm, do you think for, like, once we could talk about my problems?"

Boyd: "Why does everything have to be a snotty remark with you?"

Nightmare Reese: "Dewey, what do you think you're doing? I'm lighting Dad on fire."
Nightmare Dewey: "No way! I get to do it!"
Nightmare Malcolm: "We'll all do it!"

Nightmare Craig: "It's okay, sweetie. Go back to sleep. We'll spoon, okay?"

Reese: "Actually, Dad, your exact words were just, 'Go to bed.' You didn't say, 'Go to bed now.' If you leave us a loophole like that, I don't see how this can be our fault."

Malcolm: "I found a piece of cake in the shower!"
Dewey: "That's mine."

Malcolm: (to camera) "Here comes the tearful apology. Three...two....one." (door locks behind him instead).

Nicki: "You're like my little secret. Help yourself to some snacks, just be careful of the trip-wire. There's darts tipped with....just be careful of the trip-wire."

Craig: "How long before some government scientist picks him up and tries to surgically attach him to some animal?"

Francis: "Stop playing. No more piano. No pi-a-no! Just stop playing!"
Willy: (in German) "Ich verstehe nicht."

Patrick: "I don't know your kid, but from the way my mom and dad talk, your whole family isn't worth as much as my dog."

Hal: "Let me tell you a little something about your dog. He's gone, see? Some other family has taken him in. And right now that family is pampering Milton in ways you've never even dreamed of. So your dog already loves them a lot more than he ever loved you, and if you ever did get him back, he would just resent you until he found some way to escape again. So, why don't you just take the poster down, okay?"
Patrick: "Take your poster down. Your kid's probably in a crackhouse."

Francis: (attempting German) "Ich weiss, dass Sie nur versuch sind freundlich zu sein, aber was Sie lehnsessen machen, machen Sie mich fuehlen schlecht."
Willy: (attempting English) "Crybaby bastard."

Dewey: "Try as I might, I just can't find a flaw in this plan."

Malcolm: "If it helps, this probably would have happened even if Mom was here."
Hal: "It does help."

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