Quotes from Long Drive

Lois: "Every time you boys thoughtlessly mar the furniture by refusing to use coasters, what are you doing?"
Malcolm/Reese/Dewey: (in unison) "Killing the baby."

Malik: "They haven't taken a new act in years! It's easier to get on a waiting list for a new heart."

Hal: "I tell you, it's like God backed up that minivan over his ventriloquist hand."

Malcolm: "Nicki's such a good liar. That's good in a girlfriend, right?"

Hal: "Reese isn't snowboarding. That was just a lie Mommy and Daddy told you. Reese is in jail."
Dewey: (happily) "For how long?"
Hal: "A few hours."

Samuel: "You think that's funny?"
Reese: "I thought you were trying to be funny."

Dewey: "How come you're always in the back?"

Malcolm: "What are we going to talk about for three hours?"
Lois: "Sex." (Car door auto-locks.)

Ranch Hand Ray: "It's just a cow."
Francis: "A cow that is in his will!"

Chef Arnold: "And how did you achieve that smoky flavor?"
Francis: "That's great stuff, Arnold. Ray's dad has a week to live. Maybe you could do ten minutes on that."

Otto: "I should have been zere vhen you branded her. I could have held her little hoof."

Dewey: "You have such a good voice. Why don't you sing lead?"

Abe: "You can't say your name without changing keys!"
Steve: "I think Malik sings beautifully."
Abe: "Of course you do. You're tone deaf!"
Steve: "Well, at least when I dance, it doesn't look like I hooked my butt up to a paint mixer!"

Reese: "Ooooh, I am so scared of prison boy. What are you going to do, stretch out your arm seventy miles through the bars to my house?"

Malik: "I don't know why it took so long for the scales to fall from my eyes and to reveal you as you really are!"

Francis: "There was an accident, a tragic branding accident. I killed Helga and I fed her to you, and I couldn't be more sorry."

Lois: "So, on the night I lost my virginity, I learned something very important about relationships and trust...."

Dewey: "That was cool. How come he doesn't dance as fast as you?"

Hal: "I, for one, am a Gentleman Caller."

Brian: "Now, everyone over to my house for pizza!"
Dewey: "How come you always go to his house?"

Otto: "Zere is an expression zat you used, vhich I am unfamiliar with. Vhat does it mean vhen you say, 'fed her to you?'"

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