Quotes from Zoo

Compiled by Petch

Reese: "This isn't even fun."
Malcolm: "That stopped being the point a long time ago."

Lois: "Honey, this is just a phase. Every teenager goes through it. I did, your father did; Francis cried in the shower every day for six months. Reese wouldn't get out of the dryer. It's awkward, and it's painful, you think it's never going to end. Now get out of bed! We're going to the zoo."

Meter Reader: "I was just trying to read the meter!"
Hal: "Not in those shorts, Tarzan!"

Lois: "You have to stop making that noise."
Malcolm: "Fine, mom, I won't breathe."

Reese: "I'm going to go hit the monkeys--I mean, go see the monkeys."

Dewey: "Are you mad?"
Malcolm: "I'm not mad."
Dewey: "You sound mad."
Malcolm: "All right, I'm mad."
Dewey: "Who are you mad at?"
Malcolm: "I'm not mad!"

Francis: "If we push the car until we find a mechanic, we can pay with aluminum cans."
Piama: "Francis, we've been pushing the car for two days."

Matt: "Hey, are your kids here? I'd love to meet them."
Hal: (obviously jealous) "Oh, yeah, they're around. You'll recognize them. They all look like me."

Otto: (German accent) "I love your American cars. BMW could learn a ssing or two, but nooooo. Everyssing has to be about perfect engineering."

Reese: (to goat who head-butted him) "Guess what I get to do? Leave!"

Piama: "Now, I'm going in there and buying food. Food. Like adults eat."

Clown: "Kid, I'm a zoo clown. Now buy a giraffe or go to hell."

Gretchen: (German accent) "Zis is so lucky for you. Zis is a vonderful place. Ve own a dude ranch just nearby. Vith cows and horses and people....er, ve don't own ze people."
Otto: "Ve call it 'The Grotto.' She is Gretchen, I am Otto....Grotto!"

Francis: "This isn't going to end up with me cut up into little pieces and buried in a secret basement, is it?"
Otto: (promptly) "Nope."
Francis: "You got a deal!"

Matt: (to spider-bitten Hal) "Once the swelling goes down, the fangs should fall out."

Malcolm: (cornered by tigers) "Don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move...."
Dewey: "You've been saying that for twenty minutes."
Malcolm: "I still mean it."

Otto: "Vait, I am having a thought....meh, it's gone."
Gretchen: (whispering) "He could vork for us at ze ranch!"
Otto: "Zat vas my thought! Ve need a ranch foreman!"

Hal: (as Lois takes ice-pack off his facial Tarantula bite) "How is it?"
Lois: "It's much better. It stopped weeping."

Zoo Worker Pete: "We're going to fire tranquilizer darts at the tigers."
Malcolm: "How long do they take to work?"
Zoo Worker Pete: "Less than two minutes."
Malcolm: "So the plan is to piss them off and keep them awake just long enough so they can take it out on us?"

Hal: "Oh, my God, who are you ?!?"
Lois: "Hal, please, can't we discuss this tonight?"
Hal: "Well, I don't know, Lois, maybe you have a date!"

Zeke: "All we've got to do is watch either's backs, and we can milk these people for all they're worth. What do you think?"
Francis: "I think you're fired."

Dewey: "I think Stanley's getting angry."
Malcolm: "You named them?"
Dewey: (nods, indicating the tigers) "That's Stanley. That's French Fry."

Reese: (tossing the goat into the tigers' den) "In your face, goat! Who's laughing?"

Dewey: "You're just saying that because you think we're going to die. It's all part of your 'hating life' thing."

Lois: "Everything turned out fine. We agreed not to sue them, and they agreed not to throw Reese in jail."

Francis: (birthing a calf) "Almost there, sweetie. Just one more push."

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