Quotes from Jury Duty

Compiled by Petch

Francis: "I hope you guys packed enough toilet paper for four people."

Dewey: "Mom walks around here naken all the time."

Lois: "Hal, I gotta get going. Where are the boys?"
Hal: "They went to the library. I know, I know, but if they were doing something really dangerous, they'd have come up with a better lie."

Foreman Fred: "Lady, did you vote 'guilty'?"
Lois: "Yes, because--"
Foreman Fred: "Then there's no problem. We're all just agreeing with you. Let's go."
Lois: "Fine. Then I vote 'not guilty.'"

Artie: "It turns out, it wasn't a boil they removed, but the vestiges of my unborn twin."

Malcolm: "Wait a minute. Unless we thought some girl named Molly Hatchet ruled, this isn't our mark."

Malcolm: "Oh, man, we're lost!"
Dewey: "What? No!"
Reese: (feigning worry) "Oh, man, what are we going to do ?!? (aside to Malcolm) Nice. We get him crying and pants him."
Malcolm: "No, we really are lost!"
Reese: (sincerely worried) "What? What are we going to do ?!?"

Stevie: "Girls....hate you."
Reese: "That's not true."
Malcolm: "Yes, it is. Come on, Reese. You're a joke."
Dewey: "Yeah. Even I know it."

Ben: "Is it okay to hate you?"
Lois: "Absolutely."

Abe: "Means, motive and opportunity."
Hal: "It's all a little too neat."
Abe: "Because he's guilty."
Hal: "My gut says the partner didn't do it."
Abe: "Just saying so doesn't make it so."
Hal: (points to his gut) "Talk to this guy."
Abe: (leaning towards Hal's gut) "You're an idiot!"

Artie: "Pete's just a toothless old coot. It's a miracle he's lived this long."
Pete: "I should have slit your throat when I had the chance."

Dewey: "That's right. Turn on each other. Well, you know what? No girls like any of you, and I don't blame them. You're all pathetic."

Hal: "In your face! See, the wife did have time to run down here from home. That leaves her two minutes to stab him, remove the head and still make it to the party in time. It all makes sense!"
Abe: (sarcastically) "Oh, and the blood just magically jumped from the wife's clothes to Monahan!"
Hal: "Do you really need this spelled out for you? After killing her husband, she ran back, took off the bloody suit and rubbed it all over the unconscious Monahan!"

Francis: "All right. That's the worst thing any of us has ever done. I'm not proud of it, but I really don't think we had a choice."
Eric: "Like I care about your opinion on anything."
Francis: "Wait a minute. Why don't we hear eating?"

Stevie: "I play....mind games. It's all....I have."
Dewey: "Why isn't there ever a flash flood when you need one?"

Pete: (cackling) "See you back-stabbing sons of bitches in Hell!"

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