Quotes from Dewey's Dog

Compiled by Petch

Malcolm: "When we're really late, our lunches are on the front lawn."

Hal: "Did I just say 'bye, guy' to you?"
Lois: "I'm pretty sure you did."

Eric: "There are some things you just don't joke about, and that hook-handed maniac is at the top of the list."

Dewey: "Hi, I'm Dewey. You smell terrible. I like you. Maybe you could come home with me."

Imaginary Lois: "Dewey, you're not allowed to have a dog, remember? We want you to be miserable."
Imaginary Hal: "That's right, son. It's our job to make sure we're as unfair as possible to you."

Craig: "Wow, so this is what it would have been like to go to my prom."

Malcolm: "I never even knew we had fancy silverware. When was the last time you used this?"
Lois: "The night you were conceived. You want more details?"

Spangler: (drunk) "I've come for YOU, Francis!"

Doctor: (after Dewey's stomach pump) "He's fine. We didn't find any candles, but we did find some marbles. And the waistband to a pair of underpants."
Dewey: "Don't ask."

Lois: "I left the number for the restaurant on the counter. If we get a call, it better be from the coroner."

Hal: (ill but hiding it) "I am just dying to try this plain broth. They're famous for it."

Dewey: "Ever since the day I was born, you guys have been torturing me. I remember you trying to switch me for another baby at the park. I remember you telling me the tooth fairy was a vampire. I remember every wet Willie, every booger sandwich, every stink hat--"
Reese: "Dewey, we're sorry."
Dewey: "--every waffle butt, every chester backster and every purple nurple. And now you're going to pay."

Spangler: (hungover, wriggling under sink) "I want to die. Why can't I just DIE ???"

Malcolm/Reese/Craig: (singing) "We're stinky and evil, we're dumb and sarcastic, while Dewey in contrast is super-fantastic - that's why Dewey is king."

Dewey: "Marshmallow, if anyone moves, eat them."

Hal: "Darling, there's something I've wanted to say to you for the longest time."
Lois: "Ah-hah?"
Hal: "I have to go to the hospital."
Lois: "Oh, Hal, you don't know how happy that makes me."

Malcolm: (holds up dog-leash) "He probably has to go to the bathroom now."
Reese: "Who wants to go out in the front yard?"
Dewey: "I'll remember this, too."

Orderly: (reading Hal's wedding vows) "You are my day, my night, the sun in my sky. You are the Duran to my Duran."
Lois: (very ill) "Oh, Hal...."

Spangler: "That's it. You have just lost pudding for the whole group. Feel free to thank Mrs. Meekitjuk after I leave."

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