Quotes from Hal Coaches

Compiled by Petch

Hal: "I was hiding outside for forty-five minutes before I came in."
Lois: "I saw you."

Ed: "Oh, Hal, here are those Foreigner albums. Pleasure doing business with you."

Lavernia: "Maybe I should get a dog or a rat, some dumb animal that at least knows how to work for a living."
Francis: "Yes, ma'am."

Piama: "My husband is being disrespected by a woman who isn't fit to eat the crap between your toes. Someone ought to cut that woman's belly open with a rusty knife and strangle her with her own entrails."
Francis: "I love you, too."

Hal: "27-0 doesn't reflect how close the first five minutes of the game were. Hey, you won the coin toss."

Malcolm (reading Ed's email): "Here's one from Old Mrs. Swanbeck."
Stevie: "Open....the picture....attachment."
Malcolm/Reese/Stevie (in unison once picture opens): ".....ewwwwww!"

Hal: "I know what it's like to be the class spaz, the fat kid, the nose-picker....just wipe it on the grass, son."

Dewey: "Can we just forfeit and get a burger before the line gets too long."

Stevie: "Make sure....you capture....the blackness....of his soul."

Reese: "You might want to formulate your megabytes next time you get rid of your computer. Oh, and by the way, Mrs. Swanbeck--you are sick."
Ed: "Keep your voice down."

Eric: "These antlers won't fit down the disposal!"

Lavernia: "You're much too valuable an employee to mess with that."
Francis: "But yesterday you said you'd seen tumors with hair that were smarter than me."
Lavernia: "Can't you tell good-natured ribbing? I got a more important job for you. Why don't you sit in that chair and check out the reception on the TV. It's been kind of spotty lately. Oh, and make sure these sodas haven't gone flat."

Stevie: "He's burning....himself....with a cigarette."
Malcolm: "Just a phase."

Francis: "How long were you going to keep it for, anyway?"
Piama: "Till she behaved. And if she didn't, I guess I would have killed it."
Francis: "See, that's where it gets alarming again."

Reese: "Look, Ed, school gets out at 3:00. It is 2:15. I've been waiting for over an hour."

Malcolm (typing commands to his cyber-self): "Go to counter, get knife, kill them. No, don't make yourself a sandwich! Kill, kill....no, not yourself! Don't kill, don't kill! You stupid fat bastard!"

Ed: "I guess the question is, am I more scared of my wife, or are you more scared of your mother?"

Hal: "You're here to fight evil, and the Blackhawks are the most evil of all. You know when the teacher remembers to give you homework right before you're leaving school at the end of the day? The Blackhawks are behind it. When your mother says 'you can't watch TV' for no reason, the Blackhawks told her to say that. When you didn't get the Christmas presents that you wanted, you know who got them? The Blackhawks. If it were up to them, we wouldn't even have a Christmas."

Dewey: "Eat chalk, evil-doer!"

Back to episode info