Quotes from Hal's Birthday

Compiled by Petch

Lois: "I want that thing spotless. I want to be able to lick the bricks."
Reese: "When are you going to lick the bricks?"
Lois: "I want YOU to be able to lick the bricks."
Reese: "I'll lick the bricks right now."

Reese: "I'm not okay with the present system. How does she make me say things like that?"

Dewey: "This is so unfair. Dad has tons of birthdays, but there's only one Demolition Derby."

Hal's Inner Voice: "You look like a puppet of yourself made out of cottage cheese."

Francis: "I've got another surprise for you. Everybody, this is Piama. She's my wife."

Lois: "Congratulations. You outlasted his paper route."
Piama: "Lady, you don't want to stick your hand in my face."

Dewey: "I'm the one who broke the ice-maker last year!"

Hal: "I would have come, Francis."
Francis: "What?"
Hal: "If you had invited me, I would have come."
Francis: "No, you....I'm sorry."

Waiter: "Actually, I'm going to need one of your parents to sign."
Malcolm: "I left the tip blank. Why don't you put in whatever you think is fair."
Waiter: "Bon Appetit.

Reese: "So this is what a $24 hamburger looks like. I thought it would be as big as my head."

Dewey: "Why don't we have a Jacuzzi tub at home?"
Malcolm: "Because that would make us happy."

Reese: "Whoa, this dinner was expensive. I wonder what Dad's credit limit is."
Malcolm: "Let's find out."

Piama: "Just because I'm not all classy like you...."
Lois: "Classy? You think I'm classy?"
Piama: "Don't laugh at me."
Lois: "I'm sorry, it's just....this is a first."

Hal: "Well, you can't stay in this hotel room forever. What are you going to do, live under a bridge and steal food out of dumpsters?"

Lois: "Get your wife out of my sight."
Francis: (to Piama) "She called you my wife. That's progress."

Malcolm: "So Dad's birthday wasn't that bad after all. He got a new back-shaver, we got to eat cake that was cut by a knife, and Mom has promised not to yell at us anymore."

Back to episode info