Quotes from Reese Drives

Compiled by Petch

Hal: "Reese, surrounded by 6,000 pounds of steel and twenty gallons of explosive fuel? It's like giving a shark a sub-machine gun."

Francis: "You know how I've always been kind of impulsive and independent-minded but basically just unlucky?"

Reese: "Dewey, I am warning you. If you even touch me, you can forget about me ever driving you anywhere for the rest of your life."
Dewey: "I have nowhere to go."

Craig: "Your son Malcolm is a filthy vandal."
Lois: "What?"
Craig: "He threw eggs all over the front of my new apartment, him and his little wheelchair friend. They wanted some free Lucky Aide candy, I said no, and the next thing I know it's like D-Day here."

Reese: "Man, if the DMV was running my school, I'd be like a C-student."

Malcolm: "So, your lifelong dream was to become the world's best TV-watcher."
Craig: "Yeah."
Malcolm: "I'm in!"

Jackie: "I can't believe I have to be in the same car as a low life like you!"
Reese: "Oh, I'm a low life? You're the one that spends every day at lunch sucking on a straw that's been under my armpit!"

Ed: "Okay, pull over."
Reese: "Finally."
Ed: "I just need to go the post office. Oh, God....look at that line."

Jackie: "So, let's see. We've got grand theft auto, malicious crashing, and what else? Oh, yeah--kidnapping me! I always knew you'd go to prison, I just figured it'd be after prom."

Pete: "Well, Pierre, your identical American cousin is in a heap of trouble."
Francis: "Oui."

Jackie: "Reese, if you're being chased by the cops and they say 'pull over,' you have to do it. That's a law."
Reese: "Yeah, well, even so."

Pete: "I'm just as mad as the rest of you. I'm pretty sure these teeth came off a dead guy. Tastes like a Canadian."

Malcolm: "Oh, no....now they're never gonna let me drive!"

Lois: "My son doesn't think, he's just driving around in circles. He's made three laps around this city already."
Hal: "There's our dry-cleaner again."

Jackie: "Reese, that was amazing!"
Reese: "Listen, when the kids at school ask you about this, tell them I got under your bra."

Dewey: (watching the police subdue Reese on the television) "Give them a reason. Give them a reason."
TV Voice-Over: "The suspect appears to be resisting. Uh-oh, looks like they're taking out the pepper spray."

Hal: "Craig's talking already? Good for him. I was really creeped out about that whole 'one blink yes, two blinks no' stuff."
Lois: "No, you got it the other way around, Hal. One blink means no."
Hal: "....So the soup was too hot."

Back to episode info