"Just once I'd like a childhood memory I don't have to repress"
Don't we all wish. Malcolm's getting older and there's a new girl in town. A smart, cute, aggressive girl who likes Malcolm. We know he doesn't stand a chance, he doesn't seem to get that. It all begins in Mrs. Krelboyne's class, where Malcolm learns that he's been hazed, if you can call not saying "bless you" a hazing. He's the brave one who attempts to talk to Cynthia, she feeds him a line about a broken home and dead brother, he buys it.
At the Spengler's palace o'pain corporal punishment has been rediscovered. The cane "hungers for the flesh of the insolent." Francis, the insolent, asks Hal for an alibi, but is refused. He tries to 'call his chit' but Hal didn't see that movie.
Back at school Malcolm finds Cynthia has waited for him to leave school, she starts up some chit-chat but he's cold. Malcolm sets off for home, but she follows. Next we see him rushing in and blocking the door to his house. "[She] actually followed me home!" Of course, Lois invites her in and Reese berates Malcolm over his "gUrl-Friend" over dinner. Lois blames Malcolm for not being nicer to her since, "she obviously has no friends at all." Having been on Cynthia's side of an early 'just about to become a relationship' thing at the object of affection's parent's place, I can tell ya that from my observations, Malcolm must have had tough evening.
Malcolm isn't the only one doing a lot of unexpected growing up. Dewey's teddy has been taken away. I'm usually not bothered by these types of things, but Domingo re-grows the ear Dewey bit off after Lois has confiscated him; why would Lois repair Domingo, being Lois; why would anyone repair a teddy bear that's about to be trashed? After Dewey has retrieved him from certain compost, Lois asks, "Do you think I just took your Domingo away to be mean?" "Absolutely!" Smart boy. Lois convinces Dewey that keeping the germ ridden teddy will lead to the rotting of his optical nerve and sure blindness. Dewey choses sight over Domingo. I must say, I feel his pain. When I was Dewey's age, my Mom lit my teddy bear on fire. It wouldn't have been so bad, except that I couldn't get her attention. She yelled at me that she was, "On the phone!" when I started trying to drag her away from the blaze. Eventually, she noticed and put him out, all the time on the phone. His face was unharmed, but he had burned straight through. His legs were completely detached. I didn't want to give up what was left, she said he had to be "washed." I never saw his button eyes again.
Malcolm likes em strong. Jessica pushed him off a hill, Cynthia puts Reese in enough pain to say he's made of snot. That is when Malcolm and Cynthia are eating lunch together, alone. Cynthia puts words in Loyd and Daphne's mouths, and their mouths almost connect, but she snorts. Malcolm is a wuss, he runs whenever there is proof of Cynthia's weirdness which is every moment of every day. She's spastic, she snorts when she laughs, she makes Esperanto jokes, she has no inhibitions in the presentation of her body, she makes no deference to propriety, she's basically a genius version of his mother.
"I'm killing the germs. I hate germs. Germs are scary!" Dewey really doesn't want to loose those cute button eyes of his. Their house has never been so clean. But, when Dewey wraps himself in cellophane Lois gives him a talking to. At this point she has to eat a bug to make her point. I'm sure she will regret this when Dewey grows up to tend a fried grasshopper stand, but for now it works.
Hal lies to Spengler, giving Francis his alibi. It is purely accidental he tries not to, but he can't help himself. Francis learns his lesson, that Hal is a great dad. Hal does call Spengler to retract the alibi, but someone else is already receiving "justice" Michael Fay style. This just adds to Hal's guilt and he drives down to the school to tell Francis that he's not picking him up.
Malcolm is bothered by seeing Cynthia with some other kid at lunch, "I should be able to find a smart way to deal with this." "Why did you throw a brick through my daughter's window at two o'clock in the morning?" brains bathed in funky chemicals, even the natural ones, just don't always do what you ask of them. Lois points this out and gets Cynthia's dad off his back. Malcolm is thinking about what Francis told him, "KEEP MOM OUT OF IT!" Unfortunately this is while he's trying to kiss Cynthia, "You're trying to kiss me and you're thinking about your brother?" "No! I was thinking about my Mom" Then he tries bra, what fills the bra, what will fill the bra, he's on the ground, he's kicked, she's leaving, she's gone, "I wonder if I can convince everyone this is a hickey?"