Quotes from Traffic Ticket
Lois: Remember, this is the one you take orally.
Dewey: Are they gonna take my hair and plant an evil Dewey?
Lois: Honey, we've already had this talk. Every word that comes out of Reese's mouth is a lie. Remember?
Lois: Anything you break comes out of your allowance.
Reese: We don't get an allowance.
Lois: Yeah, now you know why.
Craig: What are you crazy? Don't you know how this works? We scratch his back, he scratches ours. We give him a few candy bars, he looks out for us. It's called protection.
Lois: We've been robbed five times in the last six months!
Craig: Lois, think of all the places he gets free stuff from, he can't be everywhere at once.
Reese: Make a run for it, mom, we can be on the news!
Lois: Ok, you boys, not a word out of any of you. No one makes piggy sounds, no one says they smells bacon and no one claims to be kidnapped.
Lois: Dewey, don't be frightened, mom is gonna be okay.
Dewey: (to cop) Can you turn on your siren?
Lois: How could you have gotten sixteen parking tickets?!
Francis: It's not my fault. You keep me stuck here. When I come home I have so much living to do I don't have time to look for legal parking.
Francis: At minimum wage, I wouldn't be able to make it home until Thanksgiving 2010.
Lois: You bring the yams.
Malcolm: Wait, are there cameras all over this place?
Craig: Yeah, they're everywhere: pharmacy, ATM, the bathro -- yeah, a lot of cameras.
Malcolm: (shocked) She did it. She's guilty. Mom's wrong.
Lois: Who is Susan King!
Hal: Uh -- um -- huh? -- Susan King. Give me a moment. -- Oh, alright, before I say anything, do you know already, or are you really asking?
Lois: She called today with some insurance quotes in case I get a point on my license.
Malcolm: If I show mom this tape she'll go crazy, and then she'll kill the messenger, which is me. You're asking me to commit suicide.
Francis: And think of the look on her face.
Hal to Lois: In the past twenty years you have never admitted you were wrong, and as far as I know you never needed to.
Hal to Lois: I am so proud of you. You are so great. You are so beautiful. You are so wrong.
Lois: How many times have I told you people don't leave the refrigerator open!
Dewey: You did it.
Lois (contemplative): Maybe I did.
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