Written by David Richardson
Directed by Nick Marck

Guest starring Karim Prince as Stanley, Daniel Von Bargen as Commandant Spangler, Paul Willson as Ed, Craig Lamar Traylor as Stevie Kenarban

Reese: "May he rest in pieces."

Kevin: "This is the worst birthday ever!"

Malcolm: "Okay, so it's not just me, right? There's something seriously wrong with this family."

Malcolm: "I feel like crap and no one understands. Even you. You're supposed to be my friend and you don't even care."
Stevie: "And yet you keep talking."

Lois: "You're a nice boy, Malcolm. And I'll kick the conniption out of anyone who says you aren't."