Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot

previous | index | next

Aired: Sunday, January 9, 2000

Rating: 12.1

Todd Holland (Director) won an Emmy for this episode in the category of Outstanding Directing for a Comedy Series

Linwood Boomer (Writer) won an Emmy for this episode in the category of Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series

Director Todd Holland, Unit Production Manager Gordon E. Wolf, First Assistant Director Robert Williams, Jr., and Second Assistant Director Richard Coad were nominated for a Directors Guild of America Award for Outstanding Directorial Achievement in Comedy Series for 2000.

This is Holland's fifth DGA Award nomination. His four prior nominations were for episodes of The Larry Sanders Show. In 1994 he was nominated for the episode "The Mr. Sharon Stone Show", in 1995 for "Arthur After Hours", in 1996 for "Everybody Loves Larry" and in 1998 for the episode "Flip."


Written by Linwood Boomer, Directed by Todd Holland

Guest starring Craig Lamar Traylor as Stevie Kenarban, Vincent Berry as Dave Spath

Co-starring Martin Spanjers as Richard, Landry Allbright as Julie, Dylan Kasch as crony #1, Austin Stout as Spath's victim

Featured Music: "Better Days" by Citizen King


"You want to know what the best thing about childhood is? At some point it stops." -Malcolm

"Now, you're gonna be friends with that cripple boy and you're gonna like it. Understood?" -Lois

"I don't take my legs for granted." -Dewey
"I know honey, you're a good boy. Stop playing with yourself." -Lois

"What do you do if he catches you?" -Malcolm
"Roll in a ball." -Dewey
"What if he starts kicking you?" -Malcolm
"Stay in a ball." -Dewey
"Okay." -Malcolm

"The car's shadow's going the wrong way, the steering wheel's on the wrong side, there's no brake pedal, the words in the mirror should be backwards, the guy's watch wouldn't say twelve o'clock if he's looking at a sunset, and I have red paint on my ass. That's right, red paint all over my ass." -Malcolm

"My mom say TV makes you stupid." -Stevie
"No, TV makes you normal." -Malcolm

"The two of you can have slices of pizza for lunch, the other one can have... I don't know, I think they're peas." -Lois

"Could you, y'know, maybe put a top on?" -Caroline
"They're just boobs, lady. You see them in the mirror every morning. And I'm sure yours are a lot nicer than mine." -Lois

"It's about Malcolm." -Lois
"I didn't do it." -Malcolm
"Yes he did, I saw him!" -Reese

"They have a special program for gifted children, they have advanced text books and devoted teachers and all sorts of good things they don't want to waste on normal kids." -Lois

"There's nothing wrong with being cut from the herd. It makes you the one buffalo that isn't there when the Indians run the rest of them off the cliff." -Lois

"I want a better family!" -Malcolm

"Look at those Parker boys across the street. They may be healthy, but honest to God those are the ugliest little boys ever born. They look like boiled beets, don't you think? And those Henderson kids? That electorcuted their dog when they were trying to get free cable? How smart can they be? Just remember, any kid who makes fun of you is a creepy little loser who will end up working in a car wash." -Lois
"This shouldn't make me feel better, but it does." -Malcolm

"Oh great, so I'm the freak of the freak show?" -Malcolm
"Just chill out." -Stevie
"Don't tell me to chill out. You chill out. Nobody can live like this." -Malcolm
"I'm okay." -Stevie
"Oh, sure, you're okay because it doesn't make any difference to you. You've always been a freak. I used to be normal. Wait, who just said that? You're gonna take that the wrong way, aren't you?" -Malcolm
"You suck!" -Stevie

"I keep trying to run but my legs won't work. Mom was right, they are important." -Malcolm

previous | index | next